I'll follow you into the dark

Slowly San Antonio is changing into a place that I will grow older in. I'll be 22 next month and it's funny how I judge that age against Micah's experiences. I was 18 when we met and he was 20- now with every new year I see it as a reflection of where we were at that age. I remember how his 21rst birthday was spent, with root beers and campfires, and how at 22 he ran away to Italy to find something he thought he lost only to find it at a Tallahassee soccer game. I've lost a lot recently and one of the hardest things to let go is my friendship with him. I'm torn between always being available to him and saving myself from the inevitable letdown and I'm not sure which is more right as opposed to which is more noble. After the basketball game today Spencer and I were sitting on the bleachers, sweat framing our backs and the victory plastered across my face, the agony of defeat tightening the muscles of his back (I just kiiiding). But he told me in respect to life that the hours will pass whether you want them to or whether you're prepared for them. The hours will go by and you can either sink or swim. San Antonio is providing me a place to grow into the person I want to be on my own. Only after you've lost everything can you pick up the pieces and reasemble them into the picture you want to look at for the next couple of years. I want to buy a bar-b-q grill and an inflateable kiddy pool, maybe I can stretch Summer into September and October and make up some of those Sundays I missed. I won't be in Tallahassee next month because I wasn't invited to the wedding. Not that I'm suprised I was given up on a long time ago. But for now I'll look forward to this life I have created with my half full kiddy pool. France in January with team sommelier, Monday basketball games, being president of the under 20 club and the only member of the under 26ers, Matt Pond PA, Rilo Kiley, Lyle Lovett all in October, Sunday afternoon cowboy game viewings, working everyday at a job that challenges and interests me, Autumn and Winter, it's all right around the corner and I'm going to keep my head above water.