In the past I have used this forum to ellaborate on all the experiences that I have loved so much. When Chris had his accident I broke that tradition, but even in the grief there was still joy and admiration. I have five minutes before I have to go to work and my only hope is that when I open the door and step into the kitchen I can forget about everything that's happening. My dad is very sick. I have worked so hard on this relationship agianst the advice of a lot of people. In a lot of ways it was my most proud accomplishment, staying in contact all this time despite his obvious unwillingness to be a father. Things changed recently and I felt for the first time that it was paying off. We have been closer than ever before, which isn't very hard to do when you go without speaking for years. But what now. God damnit I am so sad and I can't tell anyone. I don't have anyone left.