Buck-0

I've seen a picture of Chris holding me as a baby. He had a brown mustache, the same he has now except without the gray streaks in his hair. He probably held me softly and told me that I looked beautiful. He's been saying it ever since, sometimes ten times in one morning, "Sister, you're looking beautiful." And of all the times I've ever heard that in my life, I've never believed it more than when Chris says it. You see Chris is the object of my affection, my favorite. I once told BJ that of all the people in my family I thought Chris was the most special. He's 44 years old now. But really he's still 10. His body moves forward, compelled by the perpetual march of time. Wrinkles have formed above his brow and around his eyes and a belly has formed where one did not exist before. Somewhere there are trophies in a box, probably an attic somewhere, from when Chris lifted weights in the special olympics. I remember thinking that he was so strong and holding his trophies, seeing their shiny gold men triumphantly holding pose was something I wanted to achieve for myself. If you were to hug him, I'm sure it's the first thing you'd notice, he's very strong. I've always been very proud to be his niece. He is truly my favorite. I just don't see how this is fair. I'm so angry right now. And I feel so alone. You are so beautiful. Peace.